Should I Marry a Soldier?

A woman wrote me who is trying to make some decisions about the future of her relationship with a military man who is considering special forces. She herself is former military (AF).

After explaining the background of her story, she asked:

And now it’s up to me to decide if I can deal with it. I know I love this man…but I’m scared that love isn’t going to be enough. I refuse to get into a marriage just to have it fail because of seperation when I could have prepared for it better to begin with. I feel that I know the information that the FRG’s throw out there…but I would rather talk to someone who’s been there. That knows how it feels.

I guess what I’m asking is, what do you wish you had known before getting married into the military? What things prepared you the best for the deployments? What do you wish you had done differently to prepare for it? What is the hardest part? How did you deal with it? What questions would you ask if you could go back to make sure that you knew exactly what you were getting into?

I know most of my readers are fellow spouses, so I thought I’d give you a crack at these questions, too. Feel free to chime in in the comments section.

This is my response:

First let me say that everyone’s experience is unique. You can get others’ opinions but in the end that may confuse you more. Ultimately only you will be able to answer your questions.

That being said, I also sometimes feel like getting input…you may want to ask a number of military spouses these questions. Consider joining a military spouse board. [The one I go to is Household Six]

Now, as far as my answers to your questions, keep in mind that I married my husband BEFORE he joined up. So, I was in a different situation. I married a lawyer, not an Army Artillery Officer…but really I married the man, and that is the important part no matter what his career.

Right now, you don’t know for sure yet whether or not he will be accepted into special forces, so I would cross that bridge when you get there. You may wish to consider a long engagement, too…which may not even be a choice if he has to go away for schools, anyway.

As someone who has been married 5 years, and has endured almost a year separation for my husband’s training and six months and counting for a deployment, I can tell you marriages do not fail because of separations. Separations can make existing problems worse, but they do not make marriages fail.

I would seriously look at the basis of your relationship–do you share similar goals, values, and priorities? Do you communicate well in your own way? These are the things that will keep you close even when you are physically far away.

You also need to look at yourself. What are your needs and what skills do you have for your own emotional development? I love my husband dearly and we spend nearly every free minute together when he is home…but we also have separate interests. I have learned to push myself to talk to other people, even when I don’t always feel like it. If you can’t do that, being a military spouse will be very lonely.

I depend on DH when he is here, but when he is not, I can find things to accomplish that make me feel good about myself. I enjoy my work and my volunteering.

Are you capable of trusting someone? Do you trust him?

Do you always have to be in control or are you able to accept that certainly things are just beyond your control and not dwell on them.

Other than that, you can ask all the questions you want but your mileage is going to vary. You can ask about time at work while in garrison, frequency and duration of trainings, and frequency and duration of deployments…but truthfully those are going to vary so much based on assignments, commanders, and “needs of the Army,” the answers you get will be essentially useless.

Knowing myself, my husband, and our relationship is what prepared me best–and that would be the same no matter what choices he and I made in our lives.

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98 comments

  1. Courtney says:

    I couldn’t agree with you more. I am going to be moving away from all of my family when I marry my military man and people ask me about it. I think that if you really truly love him then you support whatever he decides to do. No matter how hard it may be. It sounds idealistic but I think it works. And I am proud to be a military fiance.

  2. Courtney says:

    I couldn’t agree with you more. I am going to be moving away from all of my family when I marry my military man and people ask me about it. I think that if you really truly love him then you support whatever he decides to do. No matter how hard it may be. It sounds idealistic but I think it works. And I am proud to be a military fiance.

  3. Courtney says:

    I couldn’t agree with you more. I am going to be moving away from all of my family when I marry my military man and people ask me about it. I think that if you really truly love him then you support whatever he decides to do. No matter how hard it may be. It sounds idealistic but I think it works. And I am proud to be a military fiance.

  4. Courtney says:

    I couldn’t agree with you more. I am going to be moving away from all of my family when I marry my military man and people ask me about it. I think that if you really truly love him then you support whatever he decides to do. No matter how hard it may be. It sounds idealistic but I think it works. And I am proud to be a military fiance.

  5. Courtney says:

    I couldn’t agree with you more. I am going to be moving away from all of my family when I marry my military man and people ask me about it. I think that if you really truly love him then you support whatever he decides to do. No matter how hard it may be. It sounds idealistic but I think it works. And I am proud to be a military fiance.

  6. Household6 says:

    ArmyWife is right on the money. Separations & deployments don’t ruin the marriage, if a marriage ends during deployment those problems were already there to begin with.

    I found that although separations are hard this deployment actually improved our communication. We knew that we never knew when the next time we would get to talk to each other so we made the best use of the time we had to talk to each other.

    The only difficulties we are having post deployment is that I’ve become extremely self-sufficient. It doesn’t sound like a bad thing, but we are learning to work as a team again instead of me just fixing the issue all on my own. His complaint is that he doesn’t seem to know the processes in the house anymore as I do them all without thinking.

    So nothing is 100% a bed of roses, but I wouldn’t trade being married to anyone else for all the gold in the world (bad habits & all).

  7. Household6 says:

    ArmyWife is right on the money. Separations & deployments don’t ruin the marriage, if a marriage ends during deployment those problems were already there to begin with.

    I found that although separations are hard this deployment actually improved our communication. We knew that we never knew when the next time we would get to talk to each other so we made the best use of the time we had to talk to each other.

    The only difficulties we are having post deployment is that I’ve become extremely self-sufficient. It doesn’t sound like a bad thing, but we are learning to work as a team again instead of me just fixing the issue all on my own. His complaint is that he doesn’t seem to know the processes in the house anymore as I do them all without thinking.

    So nothing is 100% a bed of roses, but I wouldn’t trade being married to anyone else for all the gold in the world (bad habits & all).

  8. Household6 says:

    ArmyWife is right on the money. Separations & deployments don’t ruin the marriage, if a marriage ends during deployment those problems were already there to begin with.

    I found that although separations are hard this deployment actually improved our communication. We knew that we never knew when the next time we would get to talk to each other so we made the best use of the time we had to talk to each other.

    The only difficulties we are having post deployment is that I’ve become extremely self-sufficient. It doesn’t sound like a bad thing, but we are learning to work as a team again instead of me just fixing the issue all on my own. His complaint is that he doesn’t seem to know the processes in the house anymore as I do them all without thinking.

    So nothing is 100% a bed of roses, but I wouldn’t trade being married to anyone else for all the gold in the world (bad habits & all).

  9. Household6 says:

    ArmyWife is right on the money. Separations & deployments don’t ruin the marriage, if a marriage ends during deployment those problems were already there to begin with.

    I found that although separations are hard this deployment actually improved our communication. We knew that we never knew when the next time we would get to talk to each other so we made the best use of the time we had to talk to each other.

    The only difficulties we are having post deployment is that I’ve become extremely self-sufficient. It doesn’t sound like a bad thing, but we are learning to work as a team again instead of me just fixing the issue all on my own. His complaint is that he doesn’t seem to know the processes in the house anymore as I do them all without thinking.

    So nothing is 100% a bed of roses, but I wouldn’t trade being married to anyone else for all the gold in the world (bad habits & all).

  10. Household6 says:

    ArmyWife is right on the money. Separations & deployments don’t ruin the marriage, if a marriage ends during deployment those problems were already there to begin with.

    I found that although separations are hard this deployment actually improved our communication. We knew that we never knew when the next time we would get to talk to each other so we made the best use of the time we had to talk to each other.

    The only difficulties we are having post deployment is that I’ve become extremely self-sufficient. It doesn’t sound like a bad thing, but we are learning to work as a team again instead of me just fixing the issue all on my own. His complaint is that he doesn’t seem to know the processes in the house anymore as I do them all without thinking.

    So nothing is 100% a bed of roses, but I wouldn’t trade being married to anyone else for all the gold in the world (bad habits & all).

  11. Jess says:

    One piece of advice I can give is to say that you’re right. Love isn’t enough to make a marriage succeed. It also takes committment and sacrifice and compromise and a myriad of other things. Your marriage will only be as successful as you want it to be, and that’s true whether your spouse is military or not. Now granted, there are special challenges that military couples face, but they’re not so drastic as to make our marriages different than civilian marriages.

    Secondly, I think it’s wise of you to consider whether or not you can handle the demands of military life. Your questions are valid. The problem is that only you can answer them. Just keep that in mind while seeking advice. Armywife was right in saying that every experience is unique. I’ll add to that in saying that what works for me may not work for you.

    And finally, some thoughts on deployment preperation. I can honestly say that I don’t believe that you can ever fully prepare for deployment. Each deployment is different, and you may react to it differely every single time, because things change. We change, our situation changes, the deployment length and location changes. With that in mind, the most helpful thing I’ve found is to have a plan to get you through the first couple of weeks of the deployment. Know who you can go to if you’re overwhelmed. Know who’s shoulder you can cry on, if need be. Plan activities and outings, so you have distractions ready to go. And, IMO, if you’re planning to start new routines or projects or classes or whatever, during the deployment, start a few of them before he leaves. Giving yourself some consistency during a very transitional time can really make a difference. Beyond that, you’ll find a routine that works for you, that is comfortable for you, over time.

    Good luck to you, in making your decision and just remember that it’s not wrong to have doubts and it doesn’t mean you love isn’t strong enough. (((hugs)))

  12. Jess says:

    One piece of advice I can give is to say that you’re right. Love isn’t enough to make a marriage succeed. It also takes committment and sacrifice and compromise and a myriad of other things. Your marriage will only be as successful as you want it to be, and that’s true whether your spouse is military or not. Now granted, there are special challenges that military couples face, but they’re not so drastic as to make our marriages different than civilian marriages.

    Secondly, I think it’s wise of you to consider whether or not you can handle the demands of military life. Your questions are valid. The problem is that only you can answer them. Just keep that in mind while seeking advice. Armywife was right in saying that every experience is unique. I’ll add to that in saying that what works for me may not work for you.

    And finally, some thoughts on deployment preperation. I can honestly say that I don’t believe that you can ever fully prepare for deployment. Each deployment is different, and you may react to it differely every single time, because things change. We change, our situation changes, the deployment length and location changes. With that in mind, the most helpful thing I’ve found is to have a plan to get you through the first couple of weeks of the deployment. Know who you can go to if you’re overwhelmed. Know who’s shoulder you can cry on, if need be. Plan activities and outings, so you have distractions ready to go. And, IMO, if you’re planning to start new routines or projects or classes or whatever, during the deployment, start a few of them before he leaves. Giving yourself some consistency during a very transitional time can really make a difference. Beyond that, you’ll find a routine that works for you, that is comfortable for you, over time.

    Good luck to you, in making your decision and just remember that it’s not wrong to have doubts and it doesn’t mean you love isn’t strong enough. (((hugs)))

  13. Jess says:

    One piece of advice I can give is to say that you’re right. Love isn’t enough to make a marriage succeed. It also takes committment and sacrifice and compromise and a myriad of other things. Your marriage will only be as successful as you want it to be, and that’s true whether your spouse is military or not. Now granted, there are special challenges that military couples face, but they’re not so drastic as to make our marriages different than civilian marriages.

    Secondly, I think it’s wise of you to consider whether or not you can handle the demands of military life. Your questions are valid. The problem is that only you can answer them. Just keep that in mind while seeking advice. Armywife was right in saying that every experience is unique. I’ll add to that in saying that what works for me may not work for you.

    And finally, some thoughts on deployment preperation. I can honestly say that I don’t believe that you can ever fully prepare for deployment. Each deployment is different, and you may react to it differely every single time, because things change. We change, our situation changes, the deployment length and location changes. With that in mind, the most helpful thing I’ve found is to have a plan to get you through the first couple of weeks of the deployment. Know who you can go to if you’re overwhelmed. Know who’s shoulder you can cry on, if need be. Plan activities and outings, so you have distractions ready to go. And, IMO, if you’re planning to start new routines or projects or classes or whatever, during the deployment, start a few of them before he leaves. Giving yourself some consistency during a very transitional time can really make a difference. Beyond that, you’ll find a routine that works for you, that is comfortable for you, over time.

    Good luck to you, in making your decision and just remember that it’s not wrong to have doubts and it doesn’t mean you love isn’t strong enough. (((hugs)))

  14. Jess says:

    One piece of advice I can give is to say that you’re right. Love isn’t enough to make a marriage succeed. It also takes committment and sacrifice and compromise and a myriad of other things. Your marriage will only be as successful as you want it to be, and that’s true whether your spouse is military or not. Now granted, there are special challenges that military couples face, but they’re not so drastic as to make our marriages different than civilian marriages.

    Secondly, I think it’s wise of you to consider whether or not you can handle the demands of military life. Your questions are valid. The problem is that only you can answer them. Just keep that in mind while seeking advice. Armywife was right in saying that every experience is unique. I’ll add to that in saying that what works for me may not work for you.

    And finally, some thoughts on deployment preperation. I can honestly say that I don’t believe that you can ever fully prepare for deployment. Each deployment is different, and you may react to it differely every single time, because things change. We change, our situation changes, the deployment length and location changes. With that in mind, the most helpful thing I’ve found is to have a plan to get you through the first couple of weeks of the deployment. Know who you can go to if you’re overwhelmed. Know who’s shoulder you can cry on, if need be. Plan activities and outings, so you have distractions ready to go. And, IMO, if you’re planning to start new routines or projects or classes or whatever, during the deployment, start a few of them before he leaves. Giving yourself some consistency during a very transitional time can really make a difference. Beyond that, you’ll find a routine that works for you, that is comfortable for you, over time.

    Good luck to you, in making your decision and just remember that it’s not wrong to have doubts and it doesn’t mean you love isn’t strong enough. (((hugs)))

  15. Jess says:

    One piece of advice I can give is to say that you’re right. Love isn’t enough to make a marriage succeed. It also takes committment and sacrifice and compromise and a myriad of other things. Your marriage will only be as successful as you want it to be, and that’s true whether your spouse is military or not. Now granted, there are special challenges that military couples face, but they’re not so drastic as to make our marriages different than civilian marriages.

    Secondly, I think it’s wise of you to consider whether or not you can handle the demands of military life. Your questions are valid. The problem is that only you can answer them. Just keep that in mind while seeking advice. Armywife was right in saying that every experience is unique. I’ll add to that in saying that what works for me may not work for you.

    And finally, some thoughts on deployment preperation. I can honestly say that I don’t believe that you can ever fully prepare for deployment. Each deployment is different, and you may react to it differely every single time, because things change. We change, our situation changes, the deployment length and location changes. With that in mind, the most helpful thing I’ve found is to have a plan to get you through the first couple of weeks of the deployment. Know who you can go to if you’re overwhelmed. Know who’s shoulder you can cry on, if need be. Plan activities and outings, so you have distractions ready to go. And, IMO, if you’re planning to start new routines or projects or classes or whatever, during the deployment, start a few of them before he leaves. Giving yourself some consistency during a very transitional time can really make a difference. Beyond that, you’ll find a routine that works for you, that is comfortable for you, over time.

    Good luck to you, in making your decision and just remember that it’s not wrong to have doubts and it doesn’t mean you love isn’t strong enough. (((hugs)))

  16. If you are having any doubts…it is better to wait! Marrying a soldier is the best thing I ever did – no regrets here. But like any marriage, it isn’t easy, provides lots of work & special circumstances really challenge us. You also have to be a little independent & willing to network & be open to new ideas & people in your lives. If you don’t, you will be one of those “I hate the military Wives” which we have all run in to from time to time. Listen to that little voice & your heart & you will make the right decision!

    After all, when you marry a soldier, you become part of the largest family in the country – for better or for worse.

  17. If you are having any doubts…it is better to wait! Marrying a soldier is the best thing I ever did – no regrets here. But like any marriage, it isn’t easy, provides lots of work & special circumstances really challenge us. You also have to be a little independent & willing to network & be open to new ideas & people in your lives. If you don’t, you will be one of those “I hate the military Wives” which we have all run in to from time to time. Listen to that little voice & your heart & you will make the right decision!

    After all, when you marry a soldier, you become part of the largest family in the country – for better or for worse.

  18. If you are having any doubts…it is better to wait! Marrying a soldier is the best thing I ever did – no regrets here. But like any marriage, it isn’t easy, provides lots of work & special circumstances really challenge us. You also have to be a little independent & willing to network & be open to new ideas & people in your lives. If you don’t, you will be one of those “I hate the military Wives” which we have all run in to from time to time. Listen to that little voice & your heart & you will make the right decision!

    After all, when you marry a soldier, you become part of the largest family in the country – for better or for worse.

  19. If you are having any doubts…it is better to wait! Marrying a soldier is the best thing I ever did – no regrets here. But like any marriage, it isn’t easy, provides lots of work & special circumstances really challenge us. You also have to be a little independent & willing to network & be open to new ideas & people in your lives. If you don’t, you will be one of those “I hate the military Wives” which we have all run in to from time to time. Listen to that little voice & your heart & you will make the right decision!

    After all, when you marry a soldier, you become part of the largest family in the country – for better or for worse.

  20. If you are having any doubts…it is better to wait! Marrying a soldier is the best thing I ever did – no regrets here. But like any marriage, it isn’t easy, provides lots of work & special circumstances really challenge us. You also have to be a little independent & willing to network & be open to new ideas & people in your lives. If you don’t, you will be one of those “I hate the military Wives” which we have all run in to from time to time. Listen to that little voice & your heart & you will make the right decision!

    After all, when you marry a soldier, you become part of the largest family in the country – for better or for worse.

  21. JM says:

    Well, being in this lifestyle for ten years has had some highs and lows. What I have gotten from being in this lifestyle, is one of patriotism, an appreciation of travel and a true understanding of being COMPLETELY selfless. I do love my hubby and always will, no matter how many deployments, various tdy’s and eight moves in the last ten years, numberous military functions I have had to attend etc. Not to mention the constant problem of unemployment and not being able to pay my student loans off from recieving a BA and Masters degree before we were ever married. You have to understand and always remember that the Military, the Mission, the career progression of your soldier always comes above and beyond any hopes, dreams or desires you have for yourself or even the ones God has placed in your heart. No matter the unique experience of all military wives, one thing is constant, you come last. So if you are up for the sacrifice and the true nature of a mobile life of selfless serventhood that you may never be appreciated for, then I say go for it!

  22. JM says:

    Well, being in this lifestyle for ten years has had some highs and lows. What I have gotten from being in this lifestyle, is one of patriotism, an appreciation of travel and a true understanding of being COMPLETELY selfless. I do love my hubby and always will, no matter how many deployments, various tdy’s and eight moves in the last ten years, numberous military functions I have had to attend etc. Not to mention the constant problem of unemployment and not being able to pay my student loans off from recieving a BA and Masters degree before we were ever married. You have to understand and always remember that the Military, the Mission, the career progression of your soldier always comes above and beyond any hopes, dreams or desires you have for yourself or even the ones God has placed in your heart. No matter the unique experience of all military wives, one thing is constant, you come last. So if you are up for the sacrifice and the true nature of a mobile life of selfless serventhood that you may never be appreciated for, then I say go for it!

  23. JM says:

    Well, being in this lifestyle for ten years has had some highs and lows. What I have gotten from being in this lifestyle, is one of patriotism, an appreciation of travel and a true understanding of being COMPLETELY selfless. I do love my hubby and always will, no matter how many deployments, various tdy’s and eight moves in the last ten years, numberous military functions I have had to attend etc. Not to mention the constant problem of unemployment and not being able to pay my student loans off from recieving a BA and Masters degree before we were ever married. You have to understand and always remember that the Military, the Mission, the career progression of your soldier always comes above and beyond any hopes, dreams or desires you have for yourself or even the ones God has placed in your heart. No matter the unique experience of all military wives, one thing is constant, you come last. So if you are up for the sacrifice and the true nature of a mobile life of selfless serventhood that you may never be appreciated for, then I say go for it!

  24. JM says:

    Well, being in this lifestyle for ten years has had some highs and lows. What I have gotten from being in this lifestyle, is one of patriotism, an appreciation of travel and a true understanding of being COMPLETELY selfless. I do love my hubby and always will, no matter how many deployments, various tdy’s and eight moves in the last ten years, numberous military functions I have had to attend etc. Not to mention the constant problem of unemployment and not being able to pay my student loans off from recieving a BA and Masters degree before we were ever married. You have to understand and always remember that the Military, the Mission, the career progression of your soldier always comes above and beyond any hopes, dreams or desires you have for yourself or even the ones God has placed in your heart. No matter the unique experience of all military wives, one thing is constant, you come last. So if you are up for the sacrifice and the true nature of a mobile life of selfless serventhood that you may never be appreciated for, then I say go for it!

  25. JM says:

    Well, being in this lifestyle for ten years has had some highs and lows. What I have gotten from being in this lifestyle, is one of patriotism, an appreciation of travel and a true understanding of being COMPLETELY selfless. I do love my hubby and always will, no matter how many deployments, various tdy’s and eight moves in the last ten years, numberous military functions I have had to attend etc. Not to mention the constant problem of unemployment and not being able to pay my student loans off from recieving a BA and Masters degree before we were ever married. You have to understand and always remember that the Military, the Mission, the career progression of your soldier always comes above and beyond any hopes, dreams or desires you have for yourself or even the ones God has placed in your heart. No matter the unique experience of all military wives, one thing is constant, you come last. So if you are up for the sacrifice and the true nature of a mobile life of selfless serventhood that you may never be appreciated for, then I say go for it!

  26. JM–With all due respect to your personal experience, unemployment (or even underemployment) is not necessarily the lot of the military spouse. I am not saying it is easy, but it can work.

    You do not have to give up your dreams. Of course, you may have to modify. If you always wanted to be a partner at a big NYC law firm, that may not be geographically practical…but how many really “dream” of that? If you think about what you really want, you will be able to find another way to that dream that you can pursue while your spouse is serving.

    Also, I do not feel like I come last. DH has a mission–and right now that has to occupy most of his time and thoughts. He has something big on which he has to concentrate at the moment. However, even now, I don’t feel like I come last.

  27. JM–With all due respect to your personal experience, unemployment (or even underemployment) is not necessarily the lot of the military spouse. I am not saying it is easy, but it can work.

    You do not have to give up your dreams. Of course, you may have to modify. If you always wanted to be a partner at a big NYC law firm, that may not be geographically practical…but how many really “dream” of that? If you think about what you really want, you will be able to find another way to that dream that you can pursue while your spouse is serving.

    Also, I do not feel like I come last. DH has a mission–and right now that has to occupy most of his time and thoughts. He has something big on which he has to concentrate at the moment. However, even now, I don’t feel like I come last.

  28. JM–With all due respect to your personal experience, unemployment (or even underemployment) is not necessarily the lot of the military spouse. I am not saying it is easy, but it can work.

    You do not have to give up your dreams. Of course, you may have to modify. If you always wanted to be a partner at a big NYC law firm, that may not be geographically practical…but how many really “dream” of that? If you think about what you really want, you will be able to find another way to that dream that you can pursue while your spouse is serving.

    Also, I do not feel like I come last. DH has a mission–and right now that has to occupy most of his time and thoughts. He has something big on which he has to concentrate at the moment. However, even now, I don’t feel like I come last.

  29. JM–With all due respect to your personal experience, unemployment (or even underemployment) is not necessarily the lot of the military spouse. I am not saying it is easy, but it can work.

    You do not have to give up your dreams. Of course, you may have to modify. If you always wanted to be a partner at a big NYC law firm, that may not be geographically practical…but how many really “dream” of that? If you think about what you really want, you will be able to find another way to that dream that you can pursue while your spouse is serving.

    Also, I do not feel like I come last. DH has a mission–and right now that has to occupy most of his time and thoughts. He has something big on which he has to concentrate at the moment. However, even now, I don’t feel like I come last.

  30. JM–With all due respect to your personal experience, unemployment (or even underemployment) is not necessarily the lot of the military spouse. I am not saying it is easy, but it can work.

    You do not have to give up your dreams. Of course, you may have to modify. If you always wanted to be a partner at a big NYC law firm, that may not be geographically practical…but how many really “dream” of that? If you think about what you really want, you will be able to find another way to that dream that you can pursue while your spouse is serving.

    Also, I do not feel like I come last. DH has a mission–and right now that has to occupy most of his time and thoughts. He has something big on which he has to concentrate at the moment. However, even now, I don’t feel like I come last.

  31. Nadia says:

    I’ve been married for almost 3 years but my husband it’s been deployed for almost a year and a half, we have a daughter that almost doesn’t recognize him but on the other side I also believe that the fact of not having my husband with me helped our relationship to grow a lot, we have better comunication and whenever he’s here we try to have fun together and enjoy even the most simple stuff and appreciate the time because as somebody said you don’t know when are you gonna be able to see each other again.
    I also have to be thankful because we were having lots of issues but the army gave us counseling and helped us a lot.

  32. Nadia says:

    I’ve been married for almost 3 years but my husband it’s been deployed for almost a year and a half, we have a daughter that almost doesn’t recognize him but on the other side I also believe that the fact of not having my husband with me helped our relationship to grow a lot, we have better comunication and whenever he’s here we try to have fun together and enjoy even the most simple stuff and appreciate the time because as somebody said you don’t know when are you gonna be able to see each other again.
    I also have to be thankful because we were having lots of issues but the army gave us counseling and helped us a lot.

  33. Nadia says:

    I’ve been married for almost 3 years but my husband it’s been deployed for almost a year and a half, we have a daughter that almost doesn’t recognize him but on the other side I also believe that the fact of not having my husband with me helped our relationship to grow a lot, we have better comunication and whenever he’s here we try to have fun together and enjoy even the most simple stuff and appreciate the time because as somebody said you don’t know when are you gonna be able to see each other again.
    I also have to be thankful because we were having lots of issues but the army gave us counseling and helped us a lot.

  34. Nadia says:

    I’ve been married for almost 3 years but my husband it’s been deployed for almost a year and a half, we have a daughter that almost doesn’t recognize him but on the other side I also believe that the fact of not having my husband with me helped our relationship to grow a lot, we have better comunication and whenever he’s here we try to have fun together and enjoy even the most simple stuff and appreciate the time because as somebody said you don’t know when are you gonna be able to see each other again.
    I also have to be thankful because we were having lots of issues but the army gave us counseling and helped us a lot.

  35. Nadia says:

    I’ve been married for almost 3 years but my husband it’s been deployed for almost a year and a half, we have a daughter that almost doesn’t recognize him but on the other side I also believe that the fact of not having my husband with me helped our relationship to grow a lot, we have better comunication and whenever he’s here we try to have fun together and enjoy even the most simple stuff and appreciate the time because as somebody said you don’t know when are you gonna be able to see each other again.
    I also have to be thankful because we were having lots of issues but the army gave us counseling and helped us a lot.

  36. Inga says:

    i read JM’s post that talks about being completely selfless and loving your soldier unconditionally… but how do you ballance both of those when you know that your feelings for the love of your life is true but you know that you only have one life and that you have to live it to the best of your ability. i’m struggling with that, my fiance just joined the army and my internal struggle is between the love, hopes and dreams i have for him and the love, hopes and dreams i have for me.

  37. Inga says:

    i read JM’s post that talks about being completely selfless and loving your soldier unconditionally… but how do you ballance both of those when you know that your feelings for the love of your life is true but you know that you only have one life and that you have to live it to the best of your ability. i’m struggling with that, my fiance just joined the army and my internal struggle is between the love, hopes and dreams i have for him and the love, hopes and dreams i have for me.

  38. Inga says:

    i read JM’s post that talks about being completely selfless and loving your soldier unconditionally… but how do you ballance both of those when you know that your feelings for the love of your life is true but you know that you only have one life and that you have to live it to the best of your ability. i’m struggling with that, my fiance just joined the army and my internal struggle is between the love, hopes and dreams i have for him and the love, hopes and dreams i have for me.

  39. Inga says:

    i read JM’s post that talks about being completely selfless and loving your soldier unconditionally… but how do you ballance both of those when you know that your feelings for the love of your life is true but you know that you only have one life and that you have to live it to the best of your ability. i’m struggling with that, my fiance just joined the army and my internal struggle is between the love, hopes and dreams i have for him and the love, hopes and dreams i have for me.

  40. Inga says:

    i read JM’s post that talks about being completely selfless and loving your soldier unconditionally… but how do you ballance both of those when you know that your feelings for the love of your life is true but you know that you only have one life and that you have to live it to the best of your ability. i’m struggling with that, my fiance just joined the army and my internal struggle is between the love, hopes and dreams i have for him and the love, hopes and dreams i have for me.

  41. crystal says:

    I have been married to my husband for almost 2 years. Right now he is about to return from an 18 month deployment. YEA!! we were only together for 4 months before we got married. I dont regret it one bit. He is just one of those guys that is cut out for it. I would never tell him to get out of it, even though I would love to have him at home every night with me and our kids. I would rather have him even if its only part time than anyone else. Good luck. If it’s right you will know.

  42. crystal says:

    I have been married to my husband for almost 2 years. Right now he is about to return from an 18 month deployment. YEA!! we were only together for 4 months before we got married. I dont regret it one bit. He is just one of those guys that is cut out for it. I would never tell him to get out of it, even though I would love to have him at home every night with me and our kids. I would rather have him even if its only part time than anyone else. Good luck. If it’s right you will know.

  43. crystal says:

    I have been married to my husband for almost 2 years. Right now he is about to return from an 18 month deployment. YEA!! we were only together for 4 months before we got married. I dont regret it one bit. He is just one of those guys that is cut out for it. I would never tell him to get out of it, even though I would love to have him at home every night with me and our kids. I would rather have him even if its only part time than anyone else. Good luck. If it’s right you will know.

  44. crystal says:

    I have been married to my husband for almost 2 years. Right now he is about to return from an 18 month deployment. YEA!! we were only together for 4 months before we got married. I dont regret it one bit. He is just one of those guys that is cut out for it. I would never tell him to get out of it, even though I would love to have him at home every night with me and our kids. I would rather have him even if its only part time than anyone else. Good luck. If it’s right you will know.

  45. crystal says:

    I have been married to my husband for almost 2 years. Right now he is about to return from an 18 month deployment. YEA!! we were only together for 4 months before we got married. I dont regret it one bit. He is just one of those guys that is cut out for it. I would never tell him to get out of it, even though I would love to have him at home every night with me and our kids. I would rather have him even if its only part time than anyone else. Good luck. If it’s right you will know.

  46. April says:

    How do I handle deployment? They are telling him that he is going to be deployed and I really don’t know how to handle it. We are suppost to get married in August and I was moving to Texas. Would it be better to get married before he leaves or after he gets back? I really want to marry him and start our lives together.

  47. April says:

    How do I handle deployment? They are telling him that he is going to be deployed and I really don’t know how to handle it. We are suppost to get married in August and I was moving to Texas. Would it be better to get married before he leaves or after he gets back? I really want to marry him and start our lives together.

  48. April says:

    How do I handle deployment? They are telling him that he is going to be deployed and I really don’t know how to handle it. We are suppost to get married in August and I was moving to Texas. Would it be better to get married before he leaves or after he gets back? I really want to marry him and start our lives together.

  49. April says:

    How do I handle deployment? They are telling him that he is going to be deployed and I really don’t know how to handle it. We are suppost to get married in August and I was moving to Texas. Would it be better to get married before he leaves or after he gets back? I really want to marry him and start our lives together.

  50. April says:

    How do I handle deployment? They are telling him that he is going to be deployed and I really don’t know how to handle it. We are suppost to get married in August and I was moving to Texas. Would it be better to get married before he leaves or after he gets back? I really want to marry him and start our lives together.

  51. dda army fiance says:

    me and my fiance met a few years ago but lost touch… a few months ago we met back up and been together ever since… the only thing is… he was already in Iraq.. so throughout our relationship.. we’ve became friends… bestfriends…and now we are planning to get married when he comes back for leave in october… at first i didnt really like the fact that i was worrying about him all the time…and that we couldnt see or talk to eachother all the time… but now..i apreciate it. i appreciate and enjoy ever second that he gets to talk to me and tell me he loves me. not once has he ever put me last… even if we couldnt talk or he was preoccupied with something… he always puts me first.. and he always lets me know that im his queen.. and he treats me as such. i look forward to our life together and i couldnt ask for a better man…. thankyou all you army wives you’ve been really helpful.

  52. dda army fiance says:

    me and my fiance met a few years ago but lost touch… a few months ago we met back up and been together ever since… the only thing is… he was already in Iraq.. so throughout our relationship.. we’ve became friends… bestfriends…and now we are planning to get married when he comes back for leave in october… at first i didnt really like the fact that i was worrying about him all the time…and that we couldnt see or talk to eachother all the time… but now..i apreciate it. i appreciate and enjoy ever second that he gets to talk to me and tell me he loves me. not once has he ever put me last… even if we couldnt talk or he was preoccupied with something… he always puts me first.. and he always lets me know that im his queen.. and he treats me as such. i look forward to our life together and i couldnt ask for a better man…. thankyou all you army wives you’ve been really helpful.

  53. dda army fiance says:

    me and my fiance met a few years ago but lost touch… a few months ago we met back up and been together ever since… the only thing is… he was already in Iraq.. so throughout our relationship.. we’ve became friends… bestfriends…and now we are planning to get married when he comes back for leave in october… at first i didnt really like the fact that i was worrying about him all the time…and that we couldnt see or talk to eachother all the time… but now..i apreciate it. i appreciate and enjoy ever second that he gets to talk to me and tell me he loves me. not once has he ever put me last… even if we couldnt talk or he was preoccupied with something… he always puts me first.. and he always lets me know that im his queen.. and he treats me as such. i look forward to our life together and i couldnt ask for a better man…. thankyou all you army wives you’ve been really helpful.

  54. dda army fiance says:

    me and my fiance met a few years ago but lost touch… a few months ago we met back up and been together ever since… the only thing is… he was already in Iraq.. so throughout our relationship.. we’ve became friends… bestfriends…and now we are planning to get married when he comes back for leave in october… at first i didnt really like the fact that i was worrying about him all the time…and that we couldnt see or talk to eachother all the time… but now..i apreciate it. i appreciate and enjoy ever second that he gets to talk to me and tell me he loves me. not once has he ever put me last… even if we couldnt talk or he was preoccupied with something… he always puts me first.. and he always lets me know that im his queen.. and he treats me as such. i look forward to our life together and i couldnt ask for a better man…. thankyou all you army wives you’ve been really helpful.

  55. dda army fiance says:

    me and my fiance met a few years ago but lost touch… a few months ago we met back up and been together ever since… the only thing is… he was already in Iraq.. so throughout our relationship.. we’ve became friends… bestfriends…and now we are planning to get married when he comes back for leave in october… at first i didnt really like the fact that i was worrying about him all the time…and that we couldnt see or talk to eachother all the time… but now..i apreciate it. i appreciate and enjoy ever second that he gets to talk to me and tell me he loves me. not once has he ever put me last… even if we couldnt talk or he was preoccupied with something… he always puts me first.. and he always lets me know that im his queen.. and he treats me as such. i look forward to our life together and i couldnt ask for a better man…. thankyou all you army wives you’ve been really helpful.

  56. Michelle Gregory says:

    hello i not sure where to start my husband is fixiin to get into the army but i am scared. i not sure what to expect or how i will deal with him being gone. i am looking forward to meeting new people just we have two young kids how do i explain to them why daddy gone can anyone give me advice on how to do this

  57. Michelle Gregory says:

    hello i not sure where to start my husband is fixiin to get into the army but i am scared. i not sure what to expect or how i will deal with him being gone. i am looking forward to meeting new people just we have two young kids how do i explain to them why daddy gone can anyone give me advice on how to do this

  58. Michelle Gregory says:

    hello i not sure where to start my husband is fixiin to get into the army but i am scared. i not sure what to expect or how i will deal with him being gone. i am looking forward to meeting new people just we have two young kids how do i explain to them why daddy gone can anyone give me advice on how to do this

  59. Michelle Gregory says:

    hello i not sure where to start my husband is fixiin to get into the army but i am scared. i not sure what to expect or how i will deal with him being gone. i am looking forward to meeting new people just we have two young kids how do i explain to them why daddy gone can anyone give me advice on how to do this

  60. Michelle Gregory says:

    hello i not sure where to start my husband is fixiin to get into the army but i am scared. i not sure what to expect or how i will deal with him being gone. i am looking forward to meeting new people just we have two young kids how do i explain to them why daddy gone can anyone give me advice on how to do this

  61. Hi, Michelle,

    The best advice I can give you is to get involved!

    Right now the optempo (the frequency of deployments) is high, but that is not always the case. And, depending on your husband’s job and his post, YMMV.

    You can’t do much to control the number or length of deployments, but you can control how you react.

    Don’t dwell on this right now, but when/if you find yourself with your husband deployed, find positive people and activities for you and the kids and focus on maintaining that connection between dad and the kids.

    Those activities may involve the family readiness group or it may be volunteering in the community, joining a deployment support group, or getting involved at a place of worship, etc. There are tons of ways to stay involved.

    And you and the kids can make a plan for sending out regular care packages (with kids’ artwork and videos and information about their accomplishments) and letters and talk with your husband about how important communication is (whether by webcam, letter, e-mail, phone, or whatever is most accessible for him).

    Most posts have tons of expert materials and advice available for parents…as you get closer to deployment (a couple of months in advance), you can go to the post community center and come away with lots of information, coloring and story books, and class and activity schedules.

    Some people are overwhelmed and move “home” but many people with kids find they are better off in a military town where the teachers and other kids better understand deployment.

    I’d never say it is easy, but if you approach deployment with a positive attitude, you’ll find it goes quicker and easier!

    In the meantime, you may want to join an online bulletin board support group for military spouses so you can start getting a sense of the military life.

    Cheers and best of luck!!!

  62. Hi, Michelle,

    The best advice I can give you is to get involved!

    Right now the optempo (the frequency of deployments) is high, but that is not always the case. And, depending on your husband’s job and his post, YMMV.

    You can’t do much to control the number or length of deployments, but you can control how you react.

    Don’t dwell on this right now, but when/if you find yourself with your husband deployed, find positive people and activities for you and the kids and focus on maintaining that connection between dad and the kids.

    Those activities may involve the family readiness group or it may be volunteering in the community, joining a deployment support group, or getting involved at a place of worship, etc. There are tons of ways to stay involved.

    And you and the kids can make a plan for sending out regular care packages (with kids’ artwork and videos and information about their accomplishments) and letters and talk with your husband about how important communication is (whether by webcam, letter, e-mail, phone, or whatever is most accessible for him).

    Most posts have tons of expert materials and advice available for parents…as you get closer to deployment (a couple of months in advance), you can go to the post community center and come away with lots of information, coloring and story books, and class and activity schedules.

    Some people are overwhelmed and move “home” but many people with kids find they are better off in a military town where the teachers and other kids better understand deployment.

    I’d never say it is easy, but if you approach deployment with a positive attitude, you’ll find it goes quicker and easier!

    In the meantime, you may want to join an online bulletin board support group for military spouses so you can start getting a sense of the military life.

    Cheers and best of luck!!!

  63. KFaulk says:

    I know exactly how you feel, when my husband asked me to marry him I was so excited I was happy becaue I love this man and I would get the funny butterfly feeling when I was around him. He is the only man that I think about. The day came for us to get married and so many questions poped in my head and as much as it almost over came me I realized our love is so strong that nothing can over power it.
    A few day’s after I and my husband got married he got orders to be deployed so I thought it was going to stress me out altho I did worry myself into the hospital he was there everyday that he could be there and Your man is supposed to put Unit, Country… than everything else which means Unity,Country,Wife, ect… But I knew our Love was so much stronger when he was there making sure I got better.
    Time will tell how your marriage will work it is what you make it. I and my husband have busy lifes with him working getting ready for deployment and I going to school full time it works. There are several questions that sometimes come in your head but you know that when he is away you are the woman he is missing and he is going to come home to you.
    When I cannot see my husband I am always on the phone with him or texting him he writes me love letters every day and we prepare for his deployment.
    Just know that he loves you and your the woman that is on his mind. Military life is different it is something that you have to adjust to but in the end it is worth it. You have a big military family and people to talk to and you learn. I have learned 3 languages and i am still learning. I and my husband are more in love since we first got married and is so much stronger.
    Welcome to the family!

  64. KFaulk says:

    I know exactly how you feel, when my husband asked me to marry him I was so excited I was happy becaue I love this man and I would get the funny butterfly feeling when I was around him. He is the only man that I think about. The day came for us to get married and so many questions poped in my head and as much as it almost over came me I realized our love is so strong that nothing can over power it.
    A few day’s after I and my husband got married he got orders to be deployed so I thought it was going to stress me out altho I did worry myself into the hospital he was there everyday that he could be there and Your man is supposed to put Unit, Country… than everything else which means Unity,Country,Wife, ect… But I knew our Love was so much stronger when he was there making sure I got better.
    Time will tell how your marriage will work it is what you make it. I and my husband have busy lifes with him working getting ready for deployment and I going to school full time it works. There are several questions that sometimes come in your head but you know that when he is away you are the woman he is missing and he is going to come home to you.
    When I cannot see my husband I am always on the phone with him or texting him he writes me love letters every day and we prepare for his deployment.
    Just know that he loves you and your the woman that is on his mind. Military life is different it is something that you have to adjust to but in the end it is worth it. You have a big military family and people to talk to and you learn. I have learned 3 languages and i am still learning. I and my husband are more in love since we first got married and is so much stronger.
    Welcome to the family!

  65. KFaulk says:

    I know exactly how you feel, when my husband asked me to marry him I was so excited I was happy becaue I love this man and I would get the funny butterfly feeling when I was around him. He is the only man that I think about. The day came for us to get married and so many questions poped in my head and as much as it almost over came me I realized our love is so strong that nothing can over power it.
    A few day’s after I and my husband got married he got orders to be deployed so I thought it was going to stress me out altho I did worry myself into the hospital he was there everyday that he could be there and Your man is supposed to put Unit, Country… than everything else which means Unity,Country,Wife, ect… But I knew our Love was so much stronger when he was there making sure I got better.
    Time will tell how your marriage will work it is what you make it. I and my husband have busy lifes with him working getting ready for deployment and I going to school full time it works. There are several questions that sometimes come in your head but you know that when he is away you are the woman he is missing and he is going to come home to you.
    When I cannot see my husband I am always on the phone with him or texting him he writes me love letters every day and we prepare for his deployment.
    Just know that he loves you and your the woman that is on his mind. Military life is different it is something that you have to adjust to but in the end it is worth it. You have a big military family and people to talk to and you learn. I have learned 3 languages and i am still learning. I and my husband are more in love since we first got married and is so much stronger.
    Welcome to the family!

  66. KFaulk says:

    I know exactly how you feel, when my husband asked me to marry him I was so excited I was happy becaue I love this man and I would get the funny butterfly feeling when I was around him. He is the only man that I think about. The day came for us to get married and so many questions poped in my head and as much as it almost over came me I realized our love is so strong that nothing can over power it.
    A few day’s after I and my husband got married he got orders to be deployed so I thought it was going to stress me out altho I did worry myself into the hospital he was there everyday that he could be there and Your man is supposed to put Unit, Country… than everything else which means Unity,Country,Wife, ect… But I knew our Love was so much stronger when he was there making sure I got better.
    Time will tell how your marriage will work it is what you make it. I and my husband have busy lifes with him working getting ready for deployment and I going to school full time it works. There are several questions that sometimes come in your head but you know that when he is away you are the woman he is missing and he is going to come home to you.
    When I cannot see my husband I am always on the phone with him or texting him he writes me love letters every day and we prepare for his deployment.
    Just know that he loves you and your the woman that is on his mind. Military life is different it is something that you have to adjust to but in the end it is worth it. You have a big military family and people to talk to and you learn. I have learned 3 languages and i am still learning. I and my husband are more in love since we first got married and is so much stronger.
    Welcome to the family!

  67. KFaulk says:

    I know exactly how you feel, when my husband asked me to marry him I was so excited I was happy becaue I love this man and I would get the funny butterfly feeling when I was around him. He is the only man that I think about. The day came for us to get married and so many questions poped in my head and as much as it almost over came me I realized our love is so strong that nothing can over power it.
    A few day’s after I and my husband got married he got orders to be deployed so I thought it was going to stress me out altho I did worry myself into the hospital he was there everyday that he could be there and Your man is supposed to put Unit, Country… than everything else which means Unity,Country,Wife, ect… But I knew our Love was so much stronger when he was there making sure I got better.
    Time will tell how your marriage will work it is what you make it. I and my husband have busy lifes with him working getting ready for deployment and I going to school full time it works. There are several questions that sometimes come in your head but you know that when he is away you are the woman he is missing and he is going to come home to you.
    When I cannot see my husband I am always on the phone with him or texting him he writes me love letters every day and we prepare for his deployment.
    Just know that he loves you and your the woman that is on his mind. Military life is different it is something that you have to adjust to but in the end it is worth it. You have a big military family and people to talk to and you learn. I have learned 3 languages and i am still learning. I and my husband are more in love since we first got married and is so much stronger.
    Welcome to the family!

  68. sara says:

    This is the first time i’ve worked up the courage to commment on this site. I am engaged to the most wonderful man ever. I have no doubt in my mind that this will work out. I understand that there will be issues and that we have to work together. I am just looking for some wisdom and advise on questions I have no clue about. Am I aloud to go with him if he is just stationed? I have also considered taking college online so I can travel where he goes. Is this wise or should i stay behind for school?

  69. sara says:

    This is the first time i’ve worked up the courage to commment on this site. I am engaged to the most wonderful man ever. I have no doubt in my mind that this will work out. I understand that there will be issues and that we have to work together. I am just looking for some wisdom and advise on questions I have no clue about. Am I aloud to go with him if he is just stationed? I have also considered taking college online so I can travel where he goes. Is this wise or should i stay behind for school?

  70. sara says:

    This is the first time i’ve worked up the courage to commment on this site. I am engaged to the most wonderful man ever. I have no doubt in my mind that this will work out. I understand that there will be issues and that we have to work together. I am just looking for some wisdom and advise on questions I have no clue about. Am I aloud to go with him if he is just stationed? I have also considered taking college online so I can travel where he goes. Is this wise or should i stay behind for school?

  71. sara says:

    This is the first time i’ve worked up the courage to commment on this site. I am engaged to the most wonderful man ever. I have no doubt in my mind that this will work out. I understand that there will be issues and that we have to work together. I am just looking for some wisdom and advise on questions I have no clue about. Am I aloud to go with him if he is just stationed? I have also considered taking college online so I can travel where he goes. Is this wise or should i stay behind for school?

  72. sara says:

    This is the first time i’ve worked up the courage to commment on this site. I am engaged to the most wonderful man ever. I have no doubt in my mind that this will work out. I understand that there will be issues and that we have to work together. I am just looking for some wisdom and advise on questions I have no clue about. Am I aloud to go with him if he is just stationed? I have also considered taking college online so I can travel where he goes. Is this wise or should i stay behind for school?

  73. sara–

    That all depends on where your soldier is stationed. If he is on an accompanied tour (which is most “permanent changes of station” pcs in the US and in Europe), then you absolutely are allowed. If he is in training (a temporary duty, TDY) or tour like Korea, then you generally do not go (there are some exceptions here, you can go on your own or some longer tours to places like Korea include the spouse on the orders).

    If he expects to be posted somewhere for 3+ years, then you should enroll while there. Know that anything can change, and he may be deployed during that time, but in general, if he has just arrived at a post, that may be a good time to start taking courses.

    Before deciding on a college, think about whether the credits will transfer if necessary and if they will work with you if you need to move in the middle of term for some reason.

    Again, remember that nothing is certain with the military!

  74. sara–

    That all depends on where your soldier is stationed. If he is on an accompanied tour (which is most “permanent changes of station” pcs in the US and in Europe), then you absolutely are allowed. If he is in training (a temporary duty, TDY) or tour like Korea, then you generally do not go (there are some exceptions here, you can go on your own or some longer tours to places like Korea include the spouse on the orders).

    If he expects to be posted somewhere for 3+ years, then you should enroll while there. Know that anything can change, and he may be deployed during that time, but in general, if he has just arrived at a post, that may be a good time to start taking courses.

    Before deciding on a college, think about whether the credits will transfer if necessary and if they will work with you if you need to move in the middle of term for some reason.

    Again, remember that nothing is certain with the military!

  75. sara–

    That all depends on where your soldier is stationed. If he is on an accompanied tour (which is most “permanent changes of station” pcs in the US and in Europe), then you absolutely are allowed. If he is in training (a temporary duty, TDY) or tour like Korea, then you generally do not go (there are some exceptions here, you can go on your own or some longer tours to places like Korea include the spouse on the orders).

    If he expects to be posted somewhere for 3+ years, then you should enroll while there. Know that anything can change, and he may be deployed during that time, but in general, if he has just arrived at a post, that may be a good time to start taking courses.

    Before deciding on a college, think about whether the credits will transfer if necessary and if they will work with you if you need to move in the middle of term for some reason.

    Again, remember that nothing is certain with the military!

  76. sara–

    That all depends on where your soldier is stationed. If he is on an accompanied tour (which is most “permanent changes of station” pcs in the US and in Europe), then you absolutely are allowed. If he is in training (a temporary duty, TDY) or tour like Korea, then you generally do not go (there are some exceptions here, you can go on your own or some longer tours to places like Korea include the spouse on the orders).

    If he expects to be posted somewhere for 3+ years, then you should enroll while there. Know that anything can change, and he may be deployed during that time, but in general, if he has just arrived at a post, that may be a good time to start taking courses.

    Before deciding on a college, think about whether the credits will transfer if necessary and if they will work with you if you need to move in the middle of term for some reason.

    Again, remember that nothing is certain with the military!

  77. sara–

    That all depends on where your soldier is stationed. If he is on an accompanied tour (which is most “permanent changes of station” pcs in the US and in Europe), then you absolutely are allowed. If he is in training (a temporary duty, TDY) or tour like Korea, then you generally do not go (there are some exceptions here, you can go on your own or some longer tours to places like Korea include the spouse on the orders).

    If he expects to be posted somewhere for 3+ years, then you should enroll while there. Know that anything can change, and he may be deployed during that time, but in general, if he has just arrived at a post, that may be a good time to start taking courses.

    Before deciding on a college, think about whether the credits will transfer if necessary and if they will work with you if you need to move in the middle of term for some reason.

    Again, remember that nothing is certain with the military!

  78. Johanna says:

    Would you say it’s better to marry before he goes away or to wait until he comes back?

  79. Johanna says:

    Would you say it’s better to marry before he goes away or to wait until he comes back?

  80. Johanna says:

    Would you say it’s better to marry before he goes away or to wait until he comes back?

  81. Johanna says:

    Would you say it’s better to marry before he goes away or to wait until he comes back?

  82. Johanna says:

    Would you say it’s better to marry before he goes away or to wait until he comes back?

  83. JDH says:

    So I have been reading everyones comments and I have tons of questions. So I was wondering about school and the right thing to do? I love my soldier and we are looking forward to our life together but its things that are holding us back and things that I am wondering about… Like I am going to school to become a nurse and he was telling me that I can go to school on post somewhere, but I didnt think it was colleges on post? Plus he is just getting into the Army so I am wondering, the fact that he is just getting into the army will he be moving alot… and the moving will interfer with my school if its not a college on base I can take my classes and the classes easily transfer… Then its the thing about when he comes ack from his deployment that we will get married, but he wants to stay off base… I am wondering is that a good choice, because I know they pay for you to stay off base, but the pay is only so much. I love my soldier but its so many things that I question, I want to be with him, but I also want to do whats right for th both of us. By the way, I want my degree in Nursing so I can at least have a job once our life gets started, so is that a good decision, because I read where one lady couldn’t find a job, so I am wondering will getting my degree actually help in this lifestyle…
    All comments are welcome!!!

  84. JDH says:

    So I have been reading everyones comments and I have tons of questions. So I was wondering about school and the right thing to do? I love my soldier and we are looking forward to our life together but its things that are holding us back and things that I am wondering about… Like I am going to school to become a nurse and he was telling me that I can go to school on post somewhere, but I didnt think it was colleges on post? Plus he is just getting into the Army so I am wondering, the fact that he is just getting into the army will he be moving alot… and the moving will interfer with my school if its not a college on base I can take my classes and the classes easily transfer… Then its the thing about when he comes ack from his deployment that we will get married, but he wants to stay off base… I am wondering is that a good choice, because I know they pay for you to stay off base, but the pay is only so much. I love my soldier but its so many things that I question, I want to be with him, but I also want to do whats right for th both of us. By the way, I want my degree in Nursing so I can at least have a job once our life gets started, so is that a good decision, because I read where one lady couldn’t find a job, so I am wondering will getting my degree actually help in this lifestyle…
    All comments are welcome!!!

  85. JDH says:

    So I have been reading everyones comments and I have tons of questions. So I was wondering about school and the right thing to do? I love my soldier and we are looking forward to our life together but its things that are holding us back and things that I am wondering about… Like I am going to school to become a nurse and he was telling me that I can go to school on post somewhere, but I didnt think it was colleges on post? Plus he is just getting into the Army so I am wondering, the fact that he is just getting into the army will he be moving alot… and the moving will interfer with my school if its not a college on base I can take my classes and the classes easily transfer… Then its the thing about when he comes ack from his deployment that we will get married, but he wants to stay off base… I am wondering is that a good choice, because I know they pay for you to stay off base, but the pay is only so much. I love my soldier but its so many things that I question, I want to be with him, but I also want to do whats right for th both of us. By the way, I want my degree in Nursing so I can at least have a job once our life gets started, so is that a good decision, because I read where one lady couldn’t find a job, so I am wondering will getting my degree actually help in this lifestyle…
    All comments are welcome!!!

  86. JDH says:

    So I have been reading everyones comments and I have tons of questions. So I was wondering about school and the right thing to do? I love my soldier and we are looking forward to our life together but its things that are holding us back and things that I am wondering about… Like I am going to school to become a nurse and he was telling me that I can go to school on post somewhere, but I didnt think it was colleges on post? Plus he is just getting into the Army so I am wondering, the fact that he is just getting into the army will he be moving alot… and the moving will interfer with my school if its not a college on base I can take my classes and the classes easily transfer… Then its the thing about when he comes ack from his deployment that we will get married, but he wants to stay off base… I am wondering is that a good choice, because I know they pay for you to stay off base, but the pay is only so much. I love my soldier but its so many things that I question, I want to be with him, but I also want to do whats right for th both of us. By the way, I want my degree in Nursing so I can at least have a job once our life gets started, so is that a good decision, because I read where one lady couldn’t find a job, so I am wondering will getting my degree actually help in this lifestyle…
    All comments are welcome!!!

  87. JDH says:

    So I have been reading everyones comments and I have tons of questions. So I was wondering about school and the right thing to do? I love my soldier and we are looking forward to our life together but its things that are holding us back and things that I am wondering about… Like I am going to school to become a nurse and he was telling me that I can go to school on post somewhere, but I didnt think it was colleges on post? Plus he is just getting into the Army so I am wondering, the fact that he is just getting into the army will he be moving alot… and the moving will interfer with my school if its not a college on base I can take my classes and the classes easily transfer… Then its the thing about when he comes ack from his deployment that we will get married, but he wants to stay off base… I am wondering is that a good choice, because I know they pay for you to stay off base, but the pay is only so much. I love my soldier but its so many things that I question, I want to be with him, but I also want to do whats right for th both of us. By the way, I want my degree in Nursing so I can at least have a job once our life gets started, so is that a good decision, because I read where one lady couldn’t find a job, so I am wondering will getting my degree actually help in this lifestyle…
    All comments are welcome!!!

  88. juanta says:

    I have a question as well. I am new to all this Army stuff and have no resources to turn to. My situation is a bit different. My man,now my fiance as of Sat 8/8/09, we met in the 7th grade and we were eachothers first love. He didn’t want to hurt me as I was an innocent little girl from Ut. so we just crushed really hard on eachother for 2 years and then went to hs and split apart, he moved and i moved on with my life and we both married early and had kids the same time. So after like a marriage later and 5 kids total between both marriages, he has always searched for me and I have alwyas wondered about him. We have now found one another agian after we are both divorced. He has joined the Army life long dream of his and he is going to be a Ranger, special forces! ughgh! but I am not going to knock his dream even though we are trying to begin our new life. He is gone and Ihave no contact with him as he is in training, and will soon graduate to airborne and ranger school. We miss eachother soooo much it hurts, but we are in this together, and he keeps asking hisself if he should stay in. I say yes! but at times i want him here!
    HELP! we have missed eachother all our lives and now we have the chance to be toghere and he is gone into the Army! what do I do and how do I cope!
    Is there counseling out there for us? or help or book? I need something to get me through this! he is in it for only the 4 years, but active recall for 8.
    Please help! I have never loved anyone so strongly before and our feelings for one another have never DIED!
    help!

  89. juanta says:

    I have a question as well. I am new to all this Army stuff and have no resources to turn to. My situation is a bit different. My man,now my fiance as of Sat 8/8/09, we met in the 7th grade and we were eachothers first love. He didn’t want to hurt me as I was an innocent little girl from Ut. so we just crushed really hard on eachother for 2 years and then went to hs and split apart, he moved and i moved on with my life and we both married early and had kids the same time. So after like a marriage later and 5 kids total between both marriages, he has always searched for me and I have alwyas wondered about him. We have now found one another agian after we are both divorced. He has joined the Army life long dream of his and he is going to be a Ranger, special forces! ughgh! but I am not going to knock his dream even though we are trying to begin our new life. He is gone and Ihave no contact with him as he is in training, and will soon graduate to airborne and ranger school. We miss eachother soooo much it hurts, but we are in this together, and he keeps asking hisself if he should stay in. I say yes! but at times i want him here!
    HELP! we have missed eachother all our lives and now we have the chance to be toghere and he is gone into the Army! what do I do and how do I cope!
    Is there counseling out there for us? or help or book? I need something to get me through this! he is in it for only the 4 years, but active recall for 8.
    Please help! I have never loved anyone so strongly before and our feelings for one another have never DIED!
    help!

  90. juanta says:

    I have a question as well. I am new to all this Army stuff and have no resources to turn to. My situation is a bit different. My man,now my fiance as of Sat 8/8/09, we met in the 7th grade and we were eachothers first love. He didn’t want to hurt me as I was an innocent little girl from Ut. so we just crushed really hard on eachother for 2 years and then went to hs and split apart, he moved and i moved on with my life and we both married early and had kids the same time. So after like a marriage later and 5 kids total between both marriages, he has always searched for me and I have alwyas wondered about him. We have now found one another agian after we are both divorced. He has joined the Army life long dream of his and he is going to be a Ranger, special forces! ughgh! but I am not going to knock his dream even though we are trying to begin our new life. He is gone and Ihave no contact with him as he is in training, and will soon graduate to airborne and ranger school. We miss eachother soooo much it hurts, but we are in this together, and he keeps asking hisself if he should stay in. I say yes! but at times i want him here!
    HELP! we have missed eachother all our lives and now we have the chance to be toghere and he is gone into the Army! what do I do and how do I cope!
    Is there counseling out there for us? or help or book? I need something to get me through this! he is in it for only the 4 years, but active recall for 8.
    Please help! I have never loved anyone so strongly before and our feelings for one another have never DIED!
    help!

  91. juanta says:

    I have a question as well. I am new to all this Army stuff and have no resources to turn to. My situation is a bit different. My man,now my fiance as of Sat 8/8/09, we met in the 7th grade and we were eachothers first love. He didn’t want to hurt me as I was an innocent little girl from Ut. so we just crushed really hard on eachother for 2 years and then went to hs and split apart, he moved and i moved on with my life and we both married early and had kids the same time. So after like a marriage later and 5 kids total between both marriages, he has always searched for me and I have alwyas wondered about him. We have now found one another agian after we are both divorced. He has joined the Army life long dream of his and he is going to be a Ranger, special forces! ughgh! but I am not going to knock his dream even though we are trying to begin our new life. He is gone and Ihave no contact with him as he is in training, and will soon graduate to airborne and ranger school. We miss eachother soooo much it hurts, but we are in this together, and he keeps asking hisself if he should stay in. I say yes! but at times i want him here!
    HELP! we have missed eachother all our lives and now we have the chance to be toghere and he is gone into the Army! what do I do and how do I cope!
    Is there counseling out there for us? or help or book? I need something to get me through this! he is in it for only the 4 years, but active recall for 8.
    Please help! I have never loved anyone so strongly before and our feelings for one another have never DIED!
    help!

  92. juanta says:

    I have a question as well. I am new to all this Army stuff and have no resources to turn to. My situation is a bit different. My man,now my fiance as of Sat 8/8/09, we met in the 7th grade and we were eachothers first love. He didn’t want to hurt me as I was an innocent little girl from Ut. so we just crushed really hard on eachother for 2 years and then went to hs and split apart, he moved and i moved on with my life and we both married early and had kids the same time. So after like a marriage later and 5 kids total between both marriages, he has always searched for me and I have alwyas wondered about him. We have now found one another agian after we are both divorced. He has joined the Army life long dream of his and he is going to be a Ranger, special forces! ughgh! but I am not going to knock his dream even though we are trying to begin our new life. He is gone and Ihave no contact with him as he is in training, and will soon graduate to airborne and ranger school. We miss eachother soooo much it hurts, but we are in this together, and he keeps asking hisself if he should stay in. I say yes! but at times i want him here!
    HELP! we have missed eachother all our lives and now we have the chance to be toghere and he is gone into the Army! what do I do and how do I cope!
    Is there counseling out there for us? or help or book? I need something to get me through this! he is in it for only the 4 years, but active recall for 8.
    Please help! I have never loved anyone so strongly before and our feelings for one another have never DIED!
    help!

  93. Chinadoll says:

    This has helped alot…I’ve never planned on having anything to do with the military. Now my boyfriend is joining and talking about marriage and raising kids in the military lifestyle… and I’m SCARED! I’m absolutly panicking. I have nightmares about him dying, or shooting insidences on base. I’m not anti- military, just anti-violence and this is all a very hard thing for me to even visualize living out.

  94. Marlie says:

    hey there,
    I am also in the same boat. I am going to be getting married september when my boyfriend is out of AIT and Basic training it would be nice to know how everything works after that. I would imagine there is alot of processing involved with being an army wife, to live on the base with your soldier. ALso just wondering any of the basic things that you know that maybe I dont. It is a very big step and im a very independant person, but getting married right now seems to be one of the best choices even though he is in the army. do u have any adivce?
    thanks,
    Marlie

  95. Emily says:

    Hi my name is Emily and I turn 18 in a few months, I am currently in the process of applying to colleges and scholarships, but my boyfriend could leave anyday if he gets the call for active duty. I really love this guy, and I know I am young, but I am still lost and confused. If he gets the call he will have 2-3 days to pack up and leave for boot, he’ll have 9 weeks there, and then only a few days till his a school so he won’t come home in between, I won’t see him for 23 weeks to start off. I hope we can last for longer than is expected but I don’t know what to do. We have been friends for over 6 years and grew up together. How likely is it that we’ll actually last post deployment? or even post boot and training? I am willing and am supporting him even though I hate the idea that he could get hurt. Please help me…

    Oh and how will I know that whatever college I choose will be the right one? I don’t know if I shuld do community college first and save my money then transfer, but I am young and I don’t have much to sacrifice like the previous women have said. I understand this is a hard process, am I too young to try?
    Thank you,
    Em

  96. Coat says:

    Well surly if you live him/her it doesnt matter what job they do, does it?

  97. Darla leight says:

    DEAR ARMY SLODIER ARE YOU STILL ON EVERLY SUNDAY AROUND
    9;00CLOCK AT NIGHTED WHO IS ROB THOMAS THE FAN SONGER
    FROM dARLA

  98. erica says:

    I know everyone says “if you love him then you will support him and move with him” but what if my life is taking off with a very promising career new york, shouldn’t he be supporting me too?

    I cant move around and follow a man around regardless of how much I love him. If he loves me enough, he shouldn’t choose a career that makes me choose between his life and mine. Its a “new age” and women have important jobs and fulfilling careers aside from being a mother/wife. and women aren’t meant to take care of men, i believe it should be equal. I think its kind of degrading to women to expect them to travel around following their husbands career. If anyone thinks I don’t love him enough if I wont follow his life, then whose to say he doesn’t love me enough because he wont follow me? I do not mean to belittle anyone believe me, and I understand some women would rather raise a family than work. But my work is very important to me, and I am a successful woman as far as my career goes, so I dont see a reason why I would ever want to give that up.

    This is my dilemma and I am confused about how to handle it. I also know that he chose to join for the wrong reasons, mostly because when he went through college he let himself go a little and wanted the physical challenge of getting in better shape. We both come from highly educated backgrounds with the potential to have a very high quality life, so I am also confused why he is throwing that away. We aren’t married yet but have been together for 7 years, since high school,and I know losing eachother is not an option, but I dont know what the right way to think is because no matter what direction we go, it wont be equal. And if it is equal, we wont be able to see eachother.

    I also know I dont have much to complain about compared to many poor women, because He is in the Marines Reserves, but he is at training now and keeps writing that he is having “fun” and might consider becoming full time… !!!?!?? WHO HAS FUN AT MARINE TRAINING. I guess im more worried about what COULD be, instead of what IS, but since he has been in my life for so long its hard to not worry about our future.

    I also feel like I show him support big-time for doing this, and try not to ever make it about me. AT the same time, I tried to express these fears and his response was not supporting AT ALL of my feelings and it seems like he doesnt take it seriously even though he has always taken us seriously.. I just think he somehow doesnt realize how much of a commitment or life-changing career this is, which sounds crazy, but he really doesnt seem to think any of it through. Might I add that he was all excited that they “pay for you to have a house” not realizing that it is a base house, not ANY house… HA..

    I need a mature voice to straighten out my head because I am young and inexperienced, with no one I know to reference. I dont want to tell him hes making a mistake because Im not sure if it is a mistake and I think the training is good for him, I just dont think that the career afterwards is good for him and theres no way for him to back out. Thank you to whoever read all of that! honestly I just needed to type out my feelings

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