Advice for Dealing With Deployment

iVillage is one of the first “woman-oriented” sites I became aware of online. I’ve used a lot of their resources, throughout the years, especially once I became pregnant.

I never knew, though, that they had built a thriving military wives’ community! And you can also connect with other long distance wives, some of whom are military and others who are geographically separated for different reasons–because sometimes a fresh perspective is just what you need to sort things out in your head.

I got a great e-mail tipping my off to Military Wives’ 21 Best Tips for Dealing with a Spouse’s Deployment.

I thought all the tips were helpful–even (or especially) the ones that contradicted themselves. There’s no one right way to make it through deployment.

The tips that really helped me were:

16. Keep your husband posted. “I write letters to my husband every day (we don’t have access to phones or email this time) detailing what our daughter did that day, so he will feel like he’s part of her day-to-day life. I take lots of photos of our daughter to send to him. It’s difficult because at times it feels like our lives are ‘on hold’ until he returns.” –erinnicolevan

I took a lot of pride in creating care packages for him and his guys. In some small way, this helped me have an active role in the deployment, instead of just passively waiting for things to happen to me. And it pumped up his morale, which greatly improved mine.

19. Stay active. “I have found it vital to have at least one regularly scheduled activity while my husband is gone. It becomes something to look forward to each week, which gives me little milestones along the way.” –lizzbert2000

I think I would have gone crazy if I didn’t schedule activities. If I kept it loose, then I would just wake up and say, “I don’t feel like it today.” But if I knew other women, especially other military wives, were counting on me to show up, then I’d kick myself in the pants, get dressed, and get out the door. There’s a lot to “Fake It Until You Make It.” Sometimes you need a pity party, but most of the time if you just push yourself a little, you’ll find yourself having a great time.

Which pieces of advice (from this list or off it) do it for you?

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35 comments

  1. kbug says:

    I hope all is well with you and your family…it has been a while since I stopped by here. Nice deployment survival advice…we’re about to go through that again. Seth is deploying again…very soon. I have some news you can share with DH, too, Seth’s going to be a daddy in September. Katie’s hoping he can make it back for the birth…so are we….. :)

  2. kbug says:

    I hope all is well with you and your family…it has been a while since I stopped by here. Nice deployment survival advice…we’re about to go through that again. Seth is deploying again…very soon. I have some news you can share with DH, too, Seth’s going to be a daddy in September. Katie’s hoping he can make it back for the birth…so are we….. :)

  3. kbug says:

    I hope all is well with you and your family…it has been a while since I stopped by here. Nice deployment survival advice…we’re about to go through that again. Seth is deploying again…very soon. I have some news you can share with DH, too, Seth’s going to be a daddy in September. Katie’s hoping he can make it back for the birth…so are we….. :)

  4. kbug says:

    I hope all is well with you and your family…it has been a while since I stopped by here. Nice deployment survival advice…we’re about to go through that again. Seth is deploying again…very soon. I have some news you can share with DH, too, Seth’s going to be a daddy in September. Katie’s hoping he can make it back for the birth…so are we….. :)

  5. kbug says:

    I hope all is well with you and your family…it has been a while since I stopped by here. Nice deployment survival advice…we’re about to go through that again. Seth is deploying again…very soon. I have some news you can share with DH, too, Seth’s going to be a daddy in September. Katie’s hoping he can make it back for the birth…so are we….. :)

  6. Congratulations! I’ll tell DH. Hopefully Seth will be back in time, but if he misses it, she’ll forgive him…eventually…I think. I’m almost there. 😉

    DH is in NG and was supposed to go to a school in August (when I’m due, AGAIN) and I told him that I will go down there and tell the Colonel myself, if need be, that my husband is not going ANYWHERE this August.

  7. Congratulations! I’ll tell DH. Hopefully Seth will be back in time, but if he misses it, she’ll forgive him…eventually…I think. I’m almost there. 😉

    DH is in NG and was supposed to go to a school in August (when I’m due, AGAIN) and I told him that I will go down there and tell the Colonel myself, if need be, that my husband is not going ANYWHERE this August.

  8. Congratulations! I’ll tell DH. Hopefully Seth will be back in time, but if he misses it, she’ll forgive him…eventually…I think. I’m almost there. 😉

    DH is in NG and was supposed to go to a school in August (when I’m due, AGAIN) and I told him that I will go down there and tell the Colonel myself, if need be, that my husband is not going ANYWHERE this August.

  9. Congratulations! I’ll tell DH. Hopefully Seth will be back in time, but if he misses it, she’ll forgive him…eventually…I think. I’m almost there. 😉

    DH is in NG and was supposed to go to a school in August (when I’m due, AGAIN) and I told him that I will go down there and tell the Colonel myself, if need be, that my husband is not going ANYWHERE this August.

  10. Congratulations! I’ll tell DH. Hopefully Seth will be back in time, but if he misses it, she’ll forgive him…eventually…I think. I’m almost there. 😉

    DH is in NG and was supposed to go to a school in August (when I’m due, AGAIN) and I told him that I will go down there and tell the Colonel myself, if need be, that my husband is not going ANYWHERE this August.

  11. Christie says:

    Thank you for this post. I actually had never heard of ivillage and I now think it may be my new best friend. LOL! The tips on dealing with a deployment are great..I only wish I had read it last time when he was gone for a year. Take care and hang in there..you are not alone!

  12. Christie says:

    Thank you for this post. I actually had never heard of ivillage and I now think it may be my new best friend. LOL! The tips on dealing with a deployment are great..I only wish I had read it last time when he was gone for a year. Take care and hang in there..you are not alone!

  13. Christie says:

    Thank you for this post. I actually had never heard of ivillage and I now think it may be my new best friend. LOL! The tips on dealing with a deployment are great..I only wish I had read it last time when he was gone for a year. Take care and hang in there..you are not alone!

  14. Christie says:

    Thank you for this post. I actually had never heard of ivillage and I now think it may be my new best friend. LOL! The tips on dealing with a deployment are great..I only wish I had read it last time when he was gone for a year. Take care and hang in there..you are not alone!

  15. Christie says:

    Thank you for this post. I actually had never heard of ivillage and I now think it may be my new best friend. LOL! The tips on dealing with a deployment are great..I only wish I had read it last time when he was gone for a year. Take care and hang in there..you are not alone!

  16. kbug says:

    I didn’t know you were expecting again…congratulations!! I’ll tell Seth. Boy or girl? I do hope that DH is able to be there for the big day this time. I don’t blame you for being insistant since he missed the first one due to his deployment. I’ll keep my fingers crossed that both daddies are able to be home for the arrivals.

  17. kbug says:

    I didn’t know you were expecting again…congratulations!! I’ll tell Seth. Boy or girl? I do hope that DH is able to be there for the big day this time. I don’t blame you for being insistant since he missed the first one due to his deployment. I’ll keep my fingers crossed that both daddies are able to be home for the arrivals.

  18. kbug says:

    I didn’t know you were expecting again…congratulations!! I’ll tell Seth. Boy or girl? I do hope that DH is able to be there for the big day this time. I don’t blame you for being insistant since he missed the first one due to his deployment. I’ll keep my fingers crossed that both daddies are able to be home for the arrivals.

  19. kbug says:

    I didn’t know you were expecting again…congratulations!! I’ll tell Seth. Boy or girl? I do hope that DH is able to be there for the big day this time. I don’t blame you for being insistant since he missed the first one due to his deployment. I’ll keep my fingers crossed that both daddies are able to be home for the arrivals.

  20. kbug says:

    I didn’t know you were expecting again…congratulations!! I’ll tell Seth. Boy or girl? I do hope that DH is able to be there for the big day this time. I don’t blame you for being insistant since he missed the first one due to his deployment. I’ll keep my fingers crossed that both daddies are able to be home for the arrivals.

  21. As far as we know it is a boy…if not, Junior is going to wonder how she got such a masculine name.

  22. As far as we know it is a boy…if not, Junior is going to wonder how she got such a masculine name.

  23. As far as we know it is a boy…if not, Junior is going to wonder how she got such a masculine name.

  24. As far as we know it is a boy…if not, Junior is going to wonder how she got such a masculine name.

  25. As far as we know it is a boy…if not, Junior is going to wonder how she got such a masculine name.

  26. LuAnn says:

    I don’t deal personally with this issue, but I think you are providing a wonderful resource for spouses of our soldiers. You ROCK, Mama! :)

  27. LuAnn says:

    I don’t deal personally with this issue, but I think you are providing a wonderful resource for spouses of our soldiers. You ROCK, Mama! :)

  28. LuAnn says:

    I don’t deal personally with this issue, but I think you are providing a wonderful resource for spouses of our soldiers. You ROCK, Mama! :)

  29. LuAnn says:

    I don’t deal personally with this issue, but I think you are providing a wonderful resource for spouses of our soldiers. You ROCK, Mama! :)

  30. LuAnn says:

    I don’t deal personally with this issue, but I think you are providing a wonderful resource for spouses of our soldiers. You ROCK, Mama! :)

  31. Anonymous says:

    I used to frequent that community in 2000!! I’m glad to see the women and community there are still going strong.

  32. Anonymous says:

    I used to frequent that community in 2000!! I’m glad to see the women and community there are still going strong.

  33. Anonymous says:

    I used to frequent that community in 2000!! I’m glad to see the women and community there are still going strong.

  34. Anonymous says:

    I used to frequent that community in 2000!! I’m glad to see the women and community there are still going strong.

  35. Anonymous says:

    I used to frequent that community in 2000!! I’m glad to see the women and community there are still going strong.