When the Soldier’s Away, the Blogger Will Be Silent?


For the military wife bloggers out there, or anyone whose husband is frequently gone on business trips, do you blog when the soldier is away from home? Do you feel you have enough anonymity or are you not concerned about any safety issues? Does it matter if he is away for a shorter or longer time? (I’m assuming male spouses don’t worry about this…but maybe I’m wrong.)

When DH was active duty, I always felt uncomfortable blogging about his absence while he was on field exercises…yet, I blogged about his deployment while he was gone.

It does not make a ton of sense, but I think part of it was the fact that there was no way to avoid the issue of his deployment on a Military Spouse blog and another part was, living in Killeen, it wouldn’t be that hard for someone to figure out whose spouse was gone anyway. So, blogging about the deployment, on an anonymous blog, didn’t seem to add significantly to the safety risk.

Since then, I’ve started a number of other online projects that are connected with my real name. And people who know me in real life have discovered this blog (and that’s a whole ‘nother can of worms).

DH has left Active Duty, but is still in the National Guard.

Suddenly, when he leaves, I feel exposed.

This time, I feel comfortable blogging about his absense because I’ll have family visiting. He’s headed off to Captain’s Career Course in preparation for taking command this summer. But generally, if he will be gone overnight, I just don’t say anything.

How about you? What are your thoughts and comfort level on this topic?

Photo Credit: Shush

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  1. Brandon J says:

    I’m a Security Manager in the Air Force and it’s not a security concern to say that a spouse is deployed; or in fact, to say my spouse is deployed to Iraq. It is a security concern if you were to mention the base and times and the unit…etc.

    I think it’s great that your blog allows other deployed spouses to read what you write while your husband is gone. If every wife stopped going out and/or blogging, they would start getting even more depressed. Good luck.

    Brandon J
    Money for Military

  2. Candace says:

    Brandon–you mistake my meaning, probably because you are a man and it isn’t an issue for you.

    When I say security, I don’t mean OPSEC, I mean home security. ;)

  3. Anonymous says:

    I never really had an emotional problem blogging. Especially our first deployment. My blog was defiantly my biggest outlet to get all my anger, frustration and concerns off my check. Actually that’s why I created my original blog. However, the 2nd deployment was a bit different. By that point I had more readers… A lot of which were military girlfriends and newer military wives. I just got really tired of comment and emails making me out to be this bad person. Any time I blogged about DH being in Iraq, I encountered ugly comments about how I was supposedly violating OPSEC and putting DH’s security at risk. Which was so not the case. I am very familiar with OPSEC, and at no point have I EVER violated it on my blog or anywhere else. A month or so into the 2nd deployment I just gave up on blogging on it. The drama that was attached to it was too much and not worth it.

  4. Brandon J says:

    Home security…you’re right I never thought of that. That’s crazy, that home security never even crossed my mind. I’m going to make sure I talk to my wife about home security if I deploy.

    Thanks for the epiphany.

    Brandon J
    Money for Military

  5. Candace says:

    Brandon J — I’m just a paranoid person–but a lot of the wives I knew were the same way. Didn’t stop us from living our lives, but it was a concern.

    Anon–Sorry that some people gave you such a hard time and made you feel like you couldn’t use that outlet. A couple of bloggers have anonymous “confessional” sites they let others use. I haven’t availed myself of that yet, but I’ve thought about it on occasion now that my blogging isn’t really anonymous anymore.

  6. You’ve hit on an important topic here. I was a little reluctant to get into blogging at first because I was concerned for the security of my family. I would love to hear how other people have resolved this issue for themselves.

  7. lea says:

    My husband is more often gone then home with us so its never really any secret. He isnt deployed to the sand box, rather flying here and there for a couple days to a couple months at the Marine Corps whim. I typically dont say where he is or what he’s doing, I’ve never said his exact job, what exactly he flies, where exactly we are, and I use nicknames for the family. We aren’t in a large military community so I like some aninimity should someone really put the brain time into figuring out where we were.

    I do put up cute pics of the kids so maybe I’m not as secret as I think I am!

    I’m learning that like you said about the can of worms, the more and more you blog the bigger the can gets!

  8. Anonymous says:

    My blog is primarily read by friends/family, but I still keep it as anonymous as possible. I do refer to deployment issues, but I don’t give clues to our geographical locale, use our names, etc.

    I’m cautious in real life. The local paper asked to interview me about DH’s current deployment w/ the NG. I declined because within 2 weeks, there were 5 home breakins involving our company. These were scattered over a metro area, and while a connection was never confirmed, it seems quite suspicious to me.

  9. I’m a wife of a former Marine… I did blog when he was gone, because I needed that outlet.. BUT… I lived on base in Okinawa… I went to work every day like normal.. and we didn’t have children at the time.
    Now, he travels once in a great while with his job for training, etc… I do NOT post that he is gone until he has returned… then I’ll talk about what we (the kids and I) did while he was gone, or how he (dis) liked his trip. But.. I now live in a big city, where there have been several break-ins, rapes, you name it.. it’s happened… and I live in the nice, new neighborhood with private security… Gee…
    So I understand both sides… but personally.. I’m paranoid too.. especially since I had my children!
    God Bless your DH, and all of your readers who have served and are still serving anywhere..

  10. anonymous says:

    I started my blog while my husband was deployed. We were newly weds and I was new to the area, so when I felt lonely, it was a place to feel “heard.” I never posted pictures of us or gave enough details that someone could figure out who we were. Now that we live in a big city and far from a post, I’ve become more relaxed about privacy. I know that once we return to a post though, I’ll probably start deleting some posts and tightening up on how much info I give out. I’ve also always felt like I needed to “behave” or more acturately, watch my mouth on my blog. Not from obscenities, but on personal and political views, because I would never want them to come back on my husband.

  11. Tara says:

    blogging helps me tremendously…

    i came across your blog in an internet search, and i just wanted to thank you so much for sharing all of this!

  12. I guess I never really thought about the home security issue when I began blogging, but I remain an anonymous blogger nonetheless. I do this not because of anyone finding me when my husband is deployed (he was when I began my blog) or when he is TDY now, I do it more so that what I say and how I say it does not have a direct impact on him. He could care less, but I have seen what my opinion in real life and how I have handled things for others have impacted on him…although, no one would directly come out and say that….but the underlying point has been made to both of us…..and so the basis for my anonymity comes from a position of not wanting to announce to the world “This is who I am, this is who my husband is and this is my opinion, period.”

    If you know me and know enough about me and then you read my blog, then yes you do know who I am….but to connect those dots and find me…you gotta be good….and well….if you are going to take that much time and effort to do so, then knock yourself out…that is what Smith and Wesson is for :D.

  13. Ceece says:

    My husband is currently gone for 6 month for training in switching from Infantry to MP.

    This thought has often crossed my mind as I blog that he’s gone and we’re basically home alone.

    It’s scary.

    Also, I’m very very interested in more info on OPSEC. It feels like since myhusband is in the NG I’m left out of so many things and information, and only feel the repercussions once something has come to pass. Does that make sense?

  14. Ceece-Makes sense!

    OpSec is really the command and soldiers’ responsibilities…but you can certainly remind your husband if he forgets or mention the concept to other families.

    Essentially, avoid discussing anything that might compromise security over unsecure lines–ie, don’t talk about locations for, times of, and other information for troop movements while on the phone/chat/e-mail with your DH.

  15. Stacy says:

    I think that as long as you are careful to not post pics of yourself, or say, your address…we are fine to blog about our husbands being gone. It would be just as easy for someone to see you at wal-mart, decide you are cute, follow you home, and discover you are alone. (ha, now we are all going to be paranoid!) If I couldn’t blog- I’d probably go batty. I just don’t violate opsec, and I’m good. We milspouses are mostly too tough for anyone to target anyway, if they are smart!

  16. Wendy Hill says:

    Now I can say that I have kinda experienced your home security issues while my hubby was in the field. My next door neighbor’s Sgt. kept coming to my house and stopping in even when my neighbor wasn’t home and implied to me just what he was looking for with out just bluntly saying it. I resolved that issue by calling my FRG leader who was a former MP. I also managed to get a message to my hubby while in the field and he then told his chain of command. Now that my hubby is deployed. I’m not quite sure how I would handle a situation like that.I never thought to not post it on my facebook or myspace. I have been filling in every one that knows us on his status. I guess I need to make my pages private. I live on post. So there is some small security in that. It’s just off post I worry most about since post is 5 minutes from Juarez, Mexico.

  17. Morgan says:

    As a wife to a deployed soldier I think its perfectly okay to blog while your husband is gone. However there are certain guidelines set not only by the military (OPSEC) but also by common sense.

    I do not list my childs names or my husbands name. I do not list where we are living or stationed. I do not say where he is deployed or when he is coming back.

    I do not have links to any of my personal web pages (i.e. facebook or myspace).

    As long as you use your head and follow OPSEC then there is no problem blogging while your soldier is gone.

    here is a link if you don’t know what the OPSEC rules are

  18. @Morgan

    Yes, OPSEC is very important.

    This post wasn’t about OPSEC. This was about personal home security and whether or not a blogger feels comfortable revealing to the world that his or her spouse is gone for an extended period of time.

    Some bloggers blog anonymously–but even then that anonymity is often an illusion if someone is truly determined to figure out who you are.

    I was wondering if some bloggers were concerned about blogging while their spouse was gone.

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