You Never Know Just How You Look Through Someone Else’s Eyes

A friend’s husband urged her to stop following me on facebook because my daily activities with my kids made her feel bad. Another mom messaged me asking how I do so much.

I’m not interested in telling you what a bad mother I am. I’m not. But neither are you. And I’m torn up inside thinking that my decisions and choices might make any mom I know feel bad about hers.

I once told my friend that I thought about renaming my personal blog Mama Good Enough and she laughed at the idea.

But really, there are many, many areas I just let go. I don’t keep a good house and I can’t stand laundry or ironing. I don’t grow an organic vegetable patch or make my own baby food (back when my kids ate baby food). I don’t always make optimal green choices.

And I don’t update you every time I lose my temper at my spirited four year old because I forgot for a moment that I am the adult and she is just a child. I may tell you about my impish son and how he just won’t stay in his seat during meals, preferring to leap from lap to lap…but I don’t give the running daily commentary about my failure to find a discipline technique to consistently solve this challenge.

Before I had kids, I was heading to a volunteer event with a friend and told her I needed to run into the supermarket to grab some orange juice I had left at home. “Good to know you aren’t perfect!” she exclaimed. “You are always too organized!”

Me? Organized? A well-crafted illusion, I assure you. And by “well-crafted” I mean shoving everything in a box and hiding it right before guests come over. Don’t stop by my house unannounced or look in my closets if you want to maintain that notion.

The truth is that every day is a marathon of ups and downs and everything in between. Because that is real life. And the zeniths and nadirs make for good reading. But the in between? That’s just life.

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4 comments

  1. Elita says:

    Oh, goodness, this is so silly (not you, but the idea of defriending or liking to see you trip up to prove you’re not “percfect”.) Why would anyone let another mother make them feel bad about their life? If I see a mom whose kid only gets organic food and who is always taking her kids to do fun and educational stuff, I don’t get angry or feel bad about myself. If anything it’s an encouragement to try and do better. All of us are trying to be the best mothers we can be, but if a friend seems to be more “together” in another area, ask her for advice or follow her lead. But why feel bad about yourself?

  2. I don’t know…you never feel even the slightest bit insecure? Just as a first, irrational reaction? If you don’t, kudos to you. I have to admit I feel the same way sometimes looking at others who I feel are very accomplished or have very neat and tidy homes and appearances.

    I guess my point is more that you might feel like a wreck but maybe you are someone else’s superwoman. Or that your superwoman may feel like a wreck sometimes.

    None of us are perfect and you are right we can all learn from each other…but I do think it is good to know that other people, women, moms struggle with the same challenges we do! I want everyone to know that even though I am a more private person, it really isn’t all sunshine and roses every day. I am just as overwhelmed, tired, and confused as any other given person…but I do try to emphasize the positive because it keeps me going!

  3. Elizabeth says:

    I don’t get angry or feel bad about myself. If anything it’s an encouragement to try and do better. All of us are trying to be the best mothers we can be, but if a friend seems to be more “together” in another area, ask her for advice or follow her lead.

  4. It was my second visit to your site, but I admire time and effort you put into advancing it! I have enjoyed reading many of your articles, looks like you are a professional writer! Well done! Regards

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