An Interview with Stefanie Adams-Figueroa of My Married Single Life

Stefanie Adams-Figueroa, call her Stef, started her blog, My Married Single Life, as a place to share the trials and tribulations of having a husband who is gone very often.

What topics do you write about on your blog?

Mostly, anything that irritates me! My husband is currently gone to Korea for a year, I quit my job and am eight months pregnant, with an 8 year old and a 3 year old and no family close by so there really isn’t much time or chances to go hang out with friends and vent. So, I started a blog to vent. Sometimes I blog about current happenings like politics and stuff but mainly it’s just whatever I feel I need to get off my chest.

What is a favorite post of yours?

Is there anything worse?” It’s probably my favorite blog because of all the emotions I put into it. It’s a very personal blog and has a lot of my sarcasm and bluntness packed into it.

Tell me a little bit about your military spouse journey.

My husband is in aviation, he’s a UH60 Blackhawk crewchief. he’s active duty, currently serving a one year hardship tour in korea. Has he deployed? Why yes, ma’m. He deployed for the first time in 2003 when our son was 2 weeks old, returned on his 1st birthday, stayed home for 11 months then deployed to Afghanistan for a year. After that we got a nice break of about 1 1/2 years and then he again left for Iraq, while I was pregnant with our second child. He did come home for her big day and left again when she was only 6 days old. That deployment (our 3rd) lasted 14 1/2 months. He’s been in for 10 years now and I’ve been a military spouse for a little over 9 years. We met shortly after he had joined.

What are the challenges of being a military spouse?

What isn’t challenging about being a military spouse? The sad things is, only a miltary spouse is ever gonna be able to relate so I think the hardest part is to listen to the crap “outsiders” tell you. Like “how you knew what you were getting in to when you married a solider”. Or when you listen to your girlfriends whine and complain about their husband having to work on the weekend… you have to bite your tongue A LOT. And of course if you can’t be faithful it’s clearly not the right “job” for you. I do consider being a military spouse a job, a hard one at that. It’s hard to have your own career when you have to move every 2-3 years due to your husband having to PCS. It’s hard to keep things running at home while he’s deployed, drying your kids’ tears, being mom and dad all at together. A friend of mine has this motto “embrace the suck” and I think really THAT kinda hits the nail on the head…you gotta be able to embrace the suck.

What are the best parts of being a military spouse?

The best part are homecomings when you have butterflies in your stomach and you are reminded WHY you’re doing this! And when people actually take the time out of their busy days to THANK YOU and tell you they appreciate your sacrifice–not just the soldiers’, even though that alone brings me to tears. t is one of the greatest feelings in the world when people tell me they are grateful there’s women like me who basically put their own lives on hold to support their soldier! The pride the job brings with it. That’s the best part.

What is the most interesting, unusual, or funny thing that has happened to you as a result of being a military spouse?

Drama, drama, drama and more drama. I don’t think there’s a single military spouse who can say that there’s isn’t a high amount of unneeded drama created by spouses who clearly don’t have anyting better to do than to come up with the most disgusting and pathetic lies and somehow, magically make people believe all of that. Jealousy is such an ugly trait…

To what extent have blogging and social networking affected the military spouse experience?

It has somewhat given me a sense of serenity and accomplishment. People send me messages telling me they love reading my blog, they identify themselves with it. I had people encourage me to write a book, they ask me for advice… it is definitely a good idea to get out there and share your feelings and I encourage every military spouse out there to get connected, don’t keep to yourself, it’ll only make things harder. Just stay away from the drama networks.

If someone you care about was about to marry a military servicemember, what one piece of advice would you give?

Don’t EVER let anyone tell you that they told you so! Don’t EVER listen to what others tell you! Take one day at a time; it’s NOT easy being a military spouse but you have to find your own way, your own place and slowly but steady grow into that new life.

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3 comments

  1. Thanks so much for sharing, Stefanie! “My Married Single Life…” Girl, I can’t tell you how much I get it….. So glad to know there are others out there who get it, too…. :)

  2. Lori says:

    My husband is also doing a hardship tour in Korea for a year. He has only being gone a little over a week, but it definitely feels like a lifetime. Thank you for giving insight on the life of being a military spouse. It isn’t the easiest “job” to do, but it is definitely worth every sacrifice we make.

  3. Maria says:

    Hi, my cousin is married to a man who just recently decided he wanted to enlist in the army. They have three children together. Unfortunately, I don’t think she really knows how it’s going to be like exactly. How much can you tell me of the life that she will be living as an army wife? I hear if they are living on base that she would see him daily, is this true? Do you have any tips/advice for her that I can pass on? Thank you!

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