Raising a Toddler is Like Having a Drunk Friend…

Raising a toddler is a real trip. It is like having a drunk best friend when you are always sober…possibly a drunk foreign friend given their command of the English language.

This morning, my two year old and I went off to run some errands. On the return trip, he quickly scurried into the back row of the mini van even though his seat is in the middle row.

“Come here sweetie. Help mommy by getting into your seat.”

“I drive car!”

“Sure you do, sweetie. But you can pretend to drive the car from your car seat. We need to be buckled in before we drive.”

Locates green bucket. Places on head. “Happy Birthday to me! Happy Birthday to me!”

“Okay, you can have the bucket, sweetie…after you get into the seat.” I buckle him in.

“Ow. Bad Mommy.”

“No, sweetie. Mommy takes good care of you.”

“I wuv Mommy. Good Mommy… I hungry!”

“We can get you food when we get back home.”

“Turn on song!”

I turn on the CD.

“Not that song! I hate that song!” Passes out.

 

Go home, baby, you’re drunk.

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