Tag Archive for Toddlers

Raising a Toddler is Like Having a Drunk Friend…

Raising a toddler is a real trip. It is like having a drunk best friend when you are always sober…possibly a drunk foreign friend given their command of the English language.

This morning, my two year old and I went off to run some errands. On the return trip, he quickly scurried into the back row of the mini van even though his seat is in the middle row.

“Come here sweetie. Help mommy by getting into your seat.”

“I drive car!”

“Sure you do, sweetie. But you can pretend to drive the car from your car seat. We need to be buckled in before we drive.”

Locates green bucket. Places on head. “Happy Birthday to me! Happy Birthday to me!”

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Toddlerisms: Mind Your Ps and Qs


Me: Isn’t there a word you should use? It begins with “P?” Puh-puh-puh…

Diva: PIG!

Me: Yes, um…pig begins with P, but another word, when you want to be polite.

Diva: Pleeeaaase!

* her sippy cup, my daughter is brand-conscious

Diva: (arranging the baby monitors) Wanna bring this one downstairs with “monitor family!”

Me: Sweetie, the monitors are so I can hear you and brother if you need me.

Diva: No. Need bruddah monitor for family. Mommy monitor, Daddy monitor, Sister monitor…this Brother monitor!

My Mom: Sweetheart, the monitor needs to work. You know how your Daddy goes to work? Well this monitor works. It goes to work upstairs.

Diva: No! This BAAAYBEE monitor. No need to work.

Toddlerism: How to Mail Your Brother

My daughter and I made Valentine’s for her grandparents and godparents and then talked about sending them in the mail. I told her we’d go to the post office.

“…and then bring them home?” she asked.

No, sweetie, we leave mail at the post office and then the postman brings it to the right person’s house.

Fast forward several days to Valentine’s Day. I tell her it is Valentine’s Day, a day to celebrate love, etc. We talk about Daddy being her Valentine and I asked if her little brother would also be her Valentine.

In a comically confused and concerned voice, she whispered:

“Leave him at post office?”

Baby Signing Cuteness

Little Diva walks over to Junior and grabs his hand, gently squeezing:

“Squeeze hand for milk. When you want milk, squeeze hand.”

She knows how to help a brother out.

It is a sign that would have come in handy today. I think Junior is about to bust out with his first tooth. From 2:30 pm until about 6:30 pm he nursed almost continually, for an hour without break at one point. If he fell asleep and delatched, he started screaming. This is a baby who never cries and it frightened me a little. Since nursing settled him down, though, I’m guessing it is just a tooth. He’s been chewing on his hand like crazy for the last two weeks.

It has been an AP kind of day. Diva has been wanting to spend more time cuddling on the big bed since brother gets to have full access in his little sidecar co-sleeper–which I must agree only seems fair. But our bed was one of those really high, giant, four poster monsters that seemed like a good idea in the BC (Before Children) Era.

DH was about to dismantle the bed and then decided to remove the box spring to lower things and add in a piece of plywood for support when he had the time. Well, the bed beat him to the punch. We were getting the kids in for nighttime and I was on the bed with Junior. I asked DH for a hug. He obliged. And one of the slats cracked. So now the big wood frame is dismantled, the box springs are back, and the mattress (supported by box springs) is on the floor.

A much safer and happier arrangement for all involved.

Toddlerism: Princess Obvious

Toddler: (climbing off her toddler bed; whump; falls on floor; cries a little)

Me: Are you okay, sweetie? What did you hit?

Toddler: The floor!


In other baby news, Junior started his swim “lessons.” They offer free lessons from two to six months’ so he goes in the pool when his sister has her lesson. It is so funny to watch them together. Who would have thought that the same parents and the same parenting could produce two such different children?

Junior just chills. Someone is holding me and it is not mommy? Oh, well…she seems nice. She’s lifting me up? Nice view. Now I’m under water? No problem.

He’s now three months’ and 18 POUNDS. Not sure how tall, but really tall. I’ll find out in a couple of weeks. Pictures coming soon.

Toddlerism: Sassy Little Thing

Busy, busy, busy! But it actually is not Junior’s fault. Who knew a baby could be this easy? My first is the type who usually ends up being an only child–now there’s a theory…only children aren’t more, ummm, spirited and demanding because they are only children, but because their parents decided one was enough.

Anyway, tons of deadlines but I haven’t posted in a while so I’ll let my daughter post for me.

afuiadf;hoa awf;oh af ;oj af

Just kidding.

Here are some of her latest “Toddlerisms”:

No Loki [our giant black and white cat]! No look out MY window! [What’s next? Stop breathing my air?]

Upon being told she’s “one smart cookie”: No…TWO smart cookies.

That’s a funny way to say that!

EeeMOW! EeeMOW! Clipper [her nickname for our Russian Blue] does say that alot. [Calypso must be slightly dyslexic]

Mama: Brother is cute.
Toddler: NOOO!
Mama: Okay, brother is cute and you are cuter!
Toddler: NOOO! Not cuter!
Mama: You are the cutest?
Toddler: NO! Brother cute and [Diva] cute. How ’bout that?

[She's a tough bargainer that kiddo.]

Hey, Come Out And Play!

Here’s a post I never thought I would be writing–I’ll be 39 weeks on Wednesday and baby boy still hasn’t shown.

Every time I pick up a bag without warning, my little girl thinks I am “going to work to bring baby brother out.” According to her, little steps are going to drop down and he is going to walk out.

Diva the kid is very eager to meet her little brother. She draws portraits of him, having recently mastered the art of drawing an oval and placing “two eyes, nose, mouth, and HAIR (scribbled most enthusiastically)” in more or less the correct spots.

Everything she associates with being a big girl has become tied in with brother’s arrival. According to her, she will sleep in her own bed and give him the crib, give him all her “bops” (pacifiers), and start using the potty. Somehow I think this transformation will take a bit longer, but who am I to disagree?

In the meantime, though, we are all waiting for the big boy to come out and play. At my 38 week appointment, the midwife said, “How big do you think this baby is?”

I answered, “Well…based on my complete lack of medical training and my single previous experience being pregnant, I think he’s bigger than she was. I think he’s already over 8 lbs.”

She gave me a somewhat indulgent look and responded, “At least!” in a way that implied he was most likely a bit over. Of course, none of this is reliable measurement, but I won’t be surprised if he’s over 9 lbs at this point.

We’re all ready to go now. Granny’s been staying for a week to watch the toddler, I’ve been clearing my work schedule, and Daddy’s been on alert–cell phone on at all times.

We’re all ready, except the guest of honor.

Toddlerism: Do Toddlers Dream of Tiny Sheep?

A tweet from @PHATMommy reminded me of a recent toddlerism:

Baby awoke, clearly from a bad dream. She’s sleeping through the night 95% of the time these days, but she just could not settle back to sleep. We brought her into bed and she was still clearly very upset. So, I tried the direct approach:

Mama: Awww, sweetie…did you have a dream? What did you dream about.

Baby: Lids…not fit on…cups! *sob*

Mama: (trying really hard not to laugh) That must be upsetting. Well, put your head on your pillow and hug Cat-Cat and we’ll go back to sleep.

Where did she get this organization fetish so strong she has nightmares about it? Clearly not from me.

Toddlerism: Kids DO Say the Darndest Things

My Two Year Old, pointing to my belly, very serious: Little Baby Brother inside.

Me: Yes.

Toddler: Sleeping.

Me: Maybe, Sweetie.

Toddler: Dark inside.

Me: Yes, love.

Toddler, making finger-wiggling motion: Little crib inside.

Me: Side-splitting laughter at the image of a little micro-universe inside my womb.

On My Own

When your toddler develops a mind of her own, it is a wonderful revelation, both for her and for you.

Lately, it seems as if Diva the Kid’s favorite word is “own,” as in:

On My Own: “Nooo…pants on own. Do it own.” (see 13 Ways to Get a Toddler’s Pants On)

I Have My Own: Proudly, upon seeing another child with a father at the playground: “Own Daddy. At Home.” (and is this a short step away from “My Daddy is stronger than your Daddy”?)

I Want My Own: Repeatedly until her Granny purchased one for her: “Mama wobe (robe). Baby wobe. Own wobe. Peas (please).”

This is My Own: When a cat sits on her chair: “Nooo…green chair own. Uddah chair. Loki chair. Green chair OWN.”

At these moments, I wonder where to draw the line between fostering independence and a politely assertive sense of self versus teaching sharing and cooperation.

When she gleefully shares her dinner with Daddy and tries to give her toys to the cats, I realize there is no need to worry.

Still, as she attempts to bodily lift the 17 pound fur ball off the green chair he is occupying with stubborn glee, I contemplate whether (or rather, when) she’ll progress to deeper notions of property rights.

Perhaps soon she’ll start charging rent on the green chair? Will she execute a hostile takeover and kick us out of the house? And what does this mean for our upcoming expansion of our family–will her little brother be viewed as labor, or competition?